Hi, I’m Michelle. I am a licensed Nurse Care Coach. I coach women who have become stuck in their bodies and disconnected in their lives. Women who find themselves in a bitter, ongoing war with their own bodies, decisions, and health. Those who are weary of the daily battle, and are silently terrified that there is no end in sight. The veterans of a lifelong struggle.
I fought the same war most of my life. Now, I’ve lost 100 lbs and kept it off for over 10 years.
But, I am not here to tell you about the exercise, the food choices, or the clinical research that shows us why certain lifestyle changes work over others. It’s part of what I can offer, of course, but if you’re like me you are already well aware that these details matter. If it was that simple you’d already be at the finish line.
I am here for the woman who remembers as a child, when her mother whispered “if you could just lost 10 lbs you’d be so pretty…”
For those of us who spent years buying pants in the men’s section because the emotional pain of trying on countless clothes in the women’s section became unbearable. The idea of crying in the dressing room one more time is too much.
I am here for those of us who spent a lifetime being told, either subtly or outright, that we took up too much space in every aspect of our existence. We grew up trying to shrink ourselves because we were too big, and although we failed with our body weight, we had immense success in minimizing our souls.
I am here for these women, because I was this woman, and it didn’t matter what changes I tried to make in my life, I always failed. I felt myself being chipped away piece by piece inside, slowly losing the fire, the drive, the dreams… and yet no matter how much of myself I sacrificed internally I could never become small enough, or good enough. This is for her.
You already know something needs to change. You want the change. But, the “how” never works. I get it because I’ve lived it. Please, if nothing else, hear me when I say with every fiber of my being; you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a fluke, or an exception, where “normal” rules don’t apply. You are not alone. I see you and I am with you. There are SO many of us.
We think life just happens, and we are supposed to respond to whatever is happening.
I am here to tell you this lie, along with so many others we were taught, are the real reasons you have become stuck. As women, we were raised with expectations that put us in conflict with ourselves from our first breath. In healthcare we are just discovering the incredibly huge impact of our minds over every aspect of our health.
It goes so much deeper than the non-stop perfection we see in magazines, social media, and advertising. We all know these things have an affect and we need to be aware of them. I am talking about the deepest of roots in our psyche. The subconscious “truths” we shape ourselves around.
Constantly altering ourselves to receive approval from the world is painful. We don’t want to feel this pain. Yet, the urge to be accepted is an instinct deeply ingrained in us after thousands of years of evolving as a tribal species. It feels impossible to ignore and even more impossible to satisfy. Even on the rare chance we get it, there is no amount of approval that fills this empty pit. If anything, it grows larger as we grow more desperate to fill it.
So we keep trying to find the right way to be, but who decides “right?” The media, culture, family tradition, trends, superstition, and evolving ideas of normal. Pretty much anything other than our true selves. We wait for our circumstances to change. For happiness to come…
Back then, I didn’t understand why I kept making the same choices over and over even though I knew I didn’t want the results they produced in my life. Sometimes I would see some weight-loss. Sooner or later I would sabotage it. Internally I was screaming at myself to keep going. I was brutal. If I kicked my own ass hard enough it might work. I felt like a used up rag; threadbare, unraveling, and full of holes I couldn’t patch.
I am here to tell you a simple truth: I didn’t lose 100 lbs because I found a diet that worked or a magic calorie total that unlocked success. What finally worked had nothing to do with food. I lost 100 lbs because I stopped trying to please the world, and instead, repaired my own connection to myself… one that had been damaged and completely severed long ago.